New World New Me

This isn't going to be another open letter, I'm taking a more "Carrie" approach to this entry.

After the week I had last week a few things really helped me to "brush the dirt off my shoulder". As you may or may not know I read a daily meditation known as "The Upper Room". Well I think all week long my upper room spoke to me. Monday's titled was "Friends" and that day I reflected on how great my friends were to me and the new friends I gained over the weekend (and then what happened happened that night - once again showing me how friends should and shouldn't act). Tuesday's was called "The Renovator" and it made me reflect on how God continues to transform us to be the beautiful Temple he created us to be (which also means life decisions that we need to make whether we like them or not - I had both happening in my heart last week). Wednesday I was very down, and very discouraged about all that had happened on Tuesday but I read "Pray Continually" on Wednesday and decided that's exactly what I needed to do. So I started to pray and God started to send me signs that the journey I was on wasn't going to be easy, but He reassured me that I will reap benefits when it's all over and to stay focused on my task. So Thursday's message was titled "Team Colors", and it made me see that as a Christian I didn't have to worry about friends because I belonged to a TEAM no matter what. But Friday's was the one that hit me the hardest and made me really reevaluate how I was handling my current situation. Friday's was titled "Surrender?". I realized after reading this entry that I wasn't doing what I tell everyone to do as a Christian - give it ALL up to God. I was stressed to a crazy degree that I told myself I would let go, because I gave it to God, but because I still held onto a small percentage of it, it still bothered me, both mentally and physically.

Well my big day at EBC came on Saturday (I got baptized - full emergence, and received the right hand of fellowship, which means I joined the church). I had been praying about this decision to be baptized instead of just receiving the right hand and decided that true baptism, and true wash away cannot happen when I was 5 months old and had water sprinkled on my head. Furthermore I took this baptism to be symbolize a renewal in me. A renewed mind, a renewed spirit, a renewed covenant with my Creator. I also said that with this emergence I was coming up a new person. Not the "I've been saved" person (because I've never needed to be saved from not knowing or accepting Jesus), but a person who doesn't exhibit the bad habits I once had. A person who really did let things go. A person who truly feels that she's too blessed to be stressed. I said that all these aches and pains I have - let those "issues of my heart flow from my heart, and my body and my mind" when I make this emergence. I also said, let me be able to give complete surrender to letting God take over for what happens. I read my "Upper Room" scripture that day and it was Psalm 55 - all the things I was going through felt like it was written in that one Psalm. The ending prayer of that devotion read "Loving God, help us to trust you no matter what the cost. We desire purity and love, not anger. Give us a tender soft heart like yours. Amen." I swear that entry was so on time, and at that very moment I was ready to take my plunge.

So of course come Sunday I had to read the prayer again because sure enough I read something that put me to the test, but I had FRIENDS to help me get through it. I made a final decision, and just before I wrote this entry I read my entry on Tuesday (10/21) and know now that my decision is the right one. God is still working on me, and will NEVER stop, but I'm glad I was able to put these things in perspective.

New World and a New Me!!!! I'm feeling faithful, fearless and free because I'm blessed and beautiful and new member of EBC!!!!