Open Letter # 5 - The Right Timing

So re-reading my last entry I realized it is full of typos and needs major editing, but I've decided to let it be because that's how I was feeling, and because my writing isn't being published anytime soon, I figured my people would understand what I was trying to say so no need to change anything.

Funny story, Monday, the week I started my new me, I went to my woman's ministry meeting. It was a powerful meeting discussing domestic violence (and although I've been trained and have been volunteering the past four years at a Domestic Violence shelter my eyes have been so opened by that meeting). I learned some interesting things also.

1. I have a friend that although she isn't abused physically, she's in a relationship that can been seen as a domestic violence situation
2. A woman knows the type of relationship she's in, and isn't going to leave until she's ready NO MATTER how severe the relationship is.

What makes this story so funny, before the meeting a person I'd met on the last retreat congratulated me again for joining the church and told me - "Get ready, you about to be put to the test". I was thinking I've already been put to the test since the moment I decided to take the classes to join, and the week before I joined I swear was my hardest. But after the meeting I realized how much variance is put on these different tests. The one thing that caught my attention during our meeting was something the facilitator said. She said it as a passing comment but it was about friends telling their friend who is in a domestically violent situation "Girl you don't need him. I got your back. Just leave him. I'll help you". She said the woman in the situation will NEVER leave until she's ready to leave, and will only resent her friends more for pressuring her to do something she's not ready to do. I realized I was one of those friends to my friend in the situation, and I can see more now why she's distanced herself from me and have attached to others. I got Maliek's "Thought of the Day" today and realized that the approach I took was all wrong. Cutting her off isn't the way. These are Maliek's words:

From someone who recognized the tough task of being a friend - Gloria Naylor

"Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over."

When you don't really care about a person, it is easy to watch them walk into the fire, for you have no vested interest in them coming out alive. But when you cherish the soul of another the way true friends do, it pains you to watch them hurt themselves or be hurt by others. Yet one of the hardest parts of really loving a friend is allowing them to travel their own journey, however painful, and being there on the other side with open arms and lots of Kleenex!

So with that I write:

Dear Friend,

Despite our time now, I'll be ready for the time you need me, prepared to pick up the pieces.

Signed
Always your friend!